FreaPoodle

Top Dog and the Novice Handler

by White Crest FreaWine

Only one dog in 12 gets a decent handler and the good ones are truly rare. My handler is a great lady. Clearly she loves agility. But let’s face it, she is a novice. I can’t rely on her verbal “LEFT” and “RIGHT” commands. To complicate matters further, she has a bum knee and wants me to do all the running.

In the 6 months I’ve been a back yard dog, I’ve come up with this advice for the novice who is running for a novice.

1. With a novice handler ignore verbal instructions and try to figure out what she is looking at. If she is looking at you, bark at her.
2. If your vision is blocked by an annoying obstacle and she is calling commands, you can generally see your handler from the top of the A frame.
3. Don’t allow your handler to experience discouragement. A nice crisp response to a clear command will keep her going, even if she is upset because she gave you the wrong command. She needs to always feel there is hope.
4. Be really good about your “WAITs” at the start line. If you let her get way ahead, it will give you a few seconds when you can actually tell what she wants.
5. Learn the obstacle names. Even the novice handler won’t usually confuse the dog walk and the tunnel.
6. Novices are often clumsy. If she tries to execute a front cross, back up. She may fall on you. Watch her carefully and try to encourage her to use the blind cross instead. It is less dangerous.
7. Finally, if she really messes up, lick her gearshift hand thoroughly and then rest your head in her lap for the drive home. If you can pull it off, try imitating the purring of a cat by growling softly. With this kind of attention, you can remind her why she tries to do agility in the first place.

A Crisis of Competence

Nearly every agility dog has competition in the household. Mine is Mia. When I was 7 weeks old I could put her in her place, even though she was 6 months old. What can I say; I was faster and had better spatial strategy.

But somehow Mia persists. Last week she started a very amusing behavior. She runs into the tunnel and grabs the loose cloth at the inside curve and shakes the whole tunnel. Had a big tug-of-war with the tunnel! Wouldn’t come out! My handler went in after her. My handler is no small woman and got stuck. I broke my DOWN and had to help tug from the outside. Finally, I went in from the other side - just to check it out.

Then, when I ran out, Mia followed me. And it hit me. Mia had been learning from me the whole time. That is how she keeps up! It’s not the “27 words” that my handler is always bragging about. Mia is stealing my moves.

From now on, I’m showing Mia bad moves.

• break contacts
• fly off the teeter
• chase the chipmunk
• and last but not least - potty on the course!

The Clumsy Puppy

Sometimes the best work of a reporter is to forward on the work of others. Mia is great with puppies. So here is one of her stories.

Mia: “Once upon a time there was a clumsy puppy.”

Nicky: “Was he pretty?”

Mia: “No, he was ugly.
He was so clumsy he tripped going up the puppy dog walk and he couldn’t jump. He was afraid of the Teeter. The other agility dogs were disgusted and pounced him regularly.”

Nicky: “Cold Man. Were they Border Collies?”

Mia: “No they were Poodles too. Can I continue?
They petitioned the handler to give up on the puppy and pay attention to them since they were fast and biddable.”

Nicky: “Like, Dude, I’m biddable. Aren’t I, Mia?”

Mia: “No. You don’t like to listen. That is why you keep interrupting! But the handler liked the puppy and fed him good food and brushed his coat until he was pretty enough to be in the dog show.”

Nicky: “Hey; this is about me.”

Mia: “Ok I quit. You aren’t going to let me finish.”

Nicky: “Please.”

Mia: “One day the clumsy puppy started barking at the ground and the other dogs came and helped him dig. Two feet down they found some kitchen tiles that had been buried.”

Nicky: “Dude, I told you this was about me.”

Mia: “So the handler was impressed with his nose work and she went and got some truffles and taught him a smelling game. Then, they went out in the woods, and they hunted for the west coast truffles. And the handler let Mia come along and help with digging. All the other dogs were jealous.”

Nicky: “That is SO not true. She brought Vy.”

Mia: “But I’m better at digging. The whole point is next time I want to go.”

Nicky: “Dude, I, like, totally thought the point was not giving up on your puppies.”

Mia: “Go chew on the weave poles and leave me alone.”

Q & A

Vy: Thank you for agreeing to share a bone or two with us. You have both made great strides in the last week. To what do you attribute this improvement?

Mia: Our trainer has been fantastic. He continues to hammer the truth home to our handler. In every single instance in which he says “You are confusing your dog” I feel an immense upwelling of gratitude.

Nicky: Dude, he is, like, totally cool too. Seriously mega chicken source!

Vy: What do you do to prepare your handler for the practice field?

Mia: It’s important for her to have a good breakfast first. Then I loosen her muscles with animal massage. When the handler sits on the porch step with her coffee, I draw close behind her and scratch her back. She has learned to point out the parts of the back which require scratching. It’s critical not to startle her though or she will spill the coffee on you.

Nicky: Ya, like, the handler, she totally likes that.

Vy: What is your greatest handler challenge?

Mia: Each week brings fresh challenges. She is a novice and!

Nicky: Woa girl. Don’t get started. The handler, she, like, waves her arms totally. None of us gets it.

Vy: Do you have any tips for the puppies out there?

Mia: Determine what the handler desires from you and bestow your affections on her. You will be amply rewarded.

Nicky: Man, like, don’t bite electrical cords. I hate those things.

A Star is Born

Mia had puppies and mutated from my sweet friend into a snarling creature. When I have puppies, if I act like this, Remind Me! Nicky’s feelings on Mia’s behavior are “Dude, she’s like taking this whole puppy thing so seriously!”

She wouldn’t let us come within 20 feet of her puppies. She actually thought Nicky and I might hurt them! She only let the Handler play with them. At first they just slept and cried and ate. I thought they looked like playdo. But even the first day Mia saw their potential for agility. She would make them exercise by lying down with her back to them and licking their faces. They had to move all the way around her to get a drink of milk!

Week 3: They actually started sounding like a puppies. Their eyes are open and the Handler let us visit when Mia was outside. I wanted them to play but they wanted to sleep. I decided they are sweet but boring ! so licked them. That is about all you can really do with them.

Week 4: The teenage mutant ninja poodle stage. They tried to pounce on everything from every conceivable angle. However, execution is handicapped by unsteady feet and the fact that everyone falls over all the time. That and sometimes they seem to want to go forward but go backward instead.

Week 5 Mia weaned them. They didn’t like their new teeth because of the headaches. Mia wasn’t so sure she liked their teeth either. The teeth were sharp. But they couldn’t eat very well. Nicky and I called them “the crustaceans” because when you sleep in puppy food, walk in puppy food, roll in puppy food, attack puppy food, and play in puppy food, you are generally encrusted with dried on puppy food. Nicky, Mia, and I don’t mind licking this high protein food off their furry little bodies.

Week 6 was a learning experience for them and for me. The puppies learned that teeth can be fun by crunching and chewing gristle and puppy chow. They have favorite games now. Green likes to shove herself into tiny places and then wiggle out again. Yellow likes tug of war. Pink likes jumping on the others. On the other paw, I learned that Mia really means it when she growls at me, because I growled at the puppies, because the puppies growled at me. We were playing!

Week 7 They began to practice agility using the body parts of older dogs as an A Frame, a Table, or a Jump. With a little practice, the legs can be weave poles. A squatting handler is a good tunnel. And yes folks, you guessed it, their favorite tug toy is my ears.

Week 9 we are all massively depressed. Two of the puppies have gone to do agility with other people. Mia went outside and howled long and hard trying to help them find her. None of us are speaking to the handler.